Peer-to-peer interactions and saying no

Peer pressure is a common challenge for children and teens. As a caregiver, you can help them feel confident to make decisions that reflect their values and goals. Here are some strategies to support your teens in these challenging situations.

Tips for helping your child handle peer pressure

Listen to hear, not respond.

Communication goes both ways. Everyone has the right to feel and express your emotions. If you want to know what your child is experiencing, it is important to listen to hear, not to respond. When they talk, pay attention; avoid automatically dismissing or discounting their feelings.

Get curious

As a parent you want to protect your kids at all costs, and so instinct may have you react quickly to what thoughts, feelings, or behaviors they are coming to you with.  Instead, get curious. Ask them questions and remember how hard it must be to feel the way they do. Considering and asking about the why behind their actions rather than criticizing and showing disapproval goes a long way.

Curiosity Sounds Like
  • "What made you decide to do that?"
  • "How did that make you feel?"
  • "What do you think will happen if you choose that/keep doing that?"
  • "Tell me more about why that seemed like a good idea..."
Judgement sounds like
  • "That was a really dumb decision. What were you thinking?"
  • "You should have known better."
  • "When will you ever learn?"
  • "I can't believe you did that."
Also, normalize being curious about substances while talking about the potential consequences of choosing to partake. Encourage your teen to think about their values and priorities ahead of time.

Develop a plan

Work with your child to create a plan for what to do if they are put in an unsafe or uncomfortable situation. This could include how to respond when someone offers them or a substance or pressures them to do something they’re uncomfortable with. Remember, before creating the safety plan, your child must feel safe calling you when they need help without consequence or fear of getting in trouble.

Consider the following tips:

  • Create an exit strategy
    Work together to agree on a plan on how to leave a situation in which they feel uncomfortable. Consider finding a code word or phrase your child can use to secretly tell you they need help.
  • Stick to trusted friends
    Encourage your child to spend time with people who respect their choices and won’t pressure them to do things they don’t want to do.
  • Call for help when needed
    Remind your teen that their safety is always the priority. If they or a friend is in trouble due to substance use, they can call a trusted adult or emergency services without fear.

Give your child something to blame saying “no” on.

Help them see the power of using their goals, like sports or personal achievements, as reasons to say no. Most peers will respect their commitment to something meaningful.

Help them to find ways to say no that feel comfortable and authentic for them. Work to practice saying these clear phrases together so they will be easier to say when needed. Here are some suggestions:

  • “No thanks, I’m good.”
  • “I’ve got a big game/performance/test tomorrow.”
  • “I’m not into that, but thanks for asking.”
  • “I promised my parents I wouldn’t.”

Did you know about the Good Samaritan Law?

In Minnesota, Steve’s Law (also known as the Good Samaritan Law) protects individuals from criminal charges when seeking medical assistance for alcohol-related emergencies. Let your teen know that calling for help in a dangerous situation is always the right thing to do—and it’s legally protected.

This project is possible, fully or in part, as a result of grant funding recommended by the Opioid Epidemic Response Advisory Council (OERAC) and the Minnesota Department of Human Services. The views expressed in this publication do not necessarily reflect the official policies the Minnesota Department of Human services; nor mention of trade names, commercial practices, or organizations imply endorsement by the state of Minnesota.